Out Through the IN Door

NI is backward for IN you idiot! Don’t look at me like I’m crazy you human cattle lumbering along, cluttering up Al’s planet. What could be so fucking important in your daily existence that you have to cut a second off your schedule to exit through the closest door in your hoofed path? Try the door marked OUT. That would be the customary door on your right! People here in ACIREMA have been using the right side to walk down sidewalks and hallways, to drive and to enter and exit buildings for centuries. How did you miss this in your development? Maybe that is what is meant by

“Growing up on the wrong side of town, tracks and whatever else is observed.”

And I know you are the same stupid piece of moronic shit that rushes on the elevator before people can exit. This is'nt quantum physics. Hey! Cow! There will be more room for your fat ass if you will let people exit before you rush into the magic box that teleports you to the welfare office. Try the stairs once in a while. Walk up and down on the right please. The right would be hopefully the same side that you drive your vehicle.
You are the same person that blocks escalators, conveyor belts even when the polite voice on the intercom constantly repeats the behavior to stand to the right so that PEOPLE can pass you on the left.
You are the same person that does not know that it is a law to always drive in the right lane of the interstate unless passing. While in the left lane, driving slower than the speed limit without a care in your world unaware that someone else exists, isn't it possible we might like to PASS you and your Pacer. This one of the many reasons why road rage exists. That shiny reflective piece of glass mounted to the top center of your windshield is called a REAR VIEW mirror. Use it.
You are the same person that brakes, begins the turn and then uses the turn signal.

You are the same person that buys scratch off tickets, scratches them off and then buys more without leaving and returning to the line. Like I have nothing better to do than wait for you to supplement your babies' daddies' incomes.

You are and what I consider the worst person that arrives at the movie late, talks and sounds like a 700 pound rat going through their jumbo popcorn and slopping up their tub of diet coke. Like diet is going to help you. And what is with the candy wrapper? It is not a napkin put it down. Are you so isolated, so removed from the rest of us you think we are in your den, watching soaps on the largest wide screen made? Unless your name appears in the cast of characters, I don't want to see you and especially hear you. This truly makes me think of initiating my Terminal Illness List and adding to it and eliminating from it as I discover each and every one of you.

(A title of a posting coming soon to my Blog near you)

You are either an uneducated social retard or a rude, self absorbed, narcissistic, holier than thou asshole that thinks this planet and all existence was created for you. Al would beg to differ. I would as well.

Here is the sad truth of the matter. You don’t know you are doing it. That is worse than knowing. To be so oblivious to the people around you and to not have the common courtesy to follow some simple concepts of decency to your fellow person is pathetic. I would respect you more if it was an intentional act of defiance to the conformity of social norms.

"I know that it is why I do it."

Deal Breakers

Dogs, Kids and Baby Talk.

And everyone knows these are deal breakers except for the pet owner, the single parent and of course the social retard, the baby talker.

Let’s look at the Pet Owner. She has three dogs. They do whatever they want wherever they want. No guy is going to put up with that. Men are disciplinarians. Dogs and chaos is a deal breaker. The worst part for the guy is that the woman is totally oblivious to the fact that animals are telling her what to do and she thinks it is cute. He is on the couch trying to make his move and Fido is doing the laser beam stare with this high pitched whine meaning,

“I want a cookie, hurry up bitch.”

Spot is wedge up between them stretching out with the stiff leg maneuver because it is his couch and he needs more room. Last but not least Igor some large mange diseased heap of wet dog smell is at the guy's feet farting.

Ok kids. Don’t like them myself. Dirty, rude, smelly little fuckers. I know I was one too. But now I am not. Kids. Much like the dogs but more premeditated in the chaos. They can do a real mind fuck on all parties involved. And don’t think it is for any other reason than to get what they want whatever that is, candy, money, toys or for the pleasure that only pure spite can bring.

The baby talker. Really there is no excuse for this type of emotionally and socially retarded person. They usually like G rated movies, know all the lyrics to the Sound Of Music and either are a quartet singer or own albums. This person loves square dancing and collects comic books or figurines. The problem with a baby talker is that the baby talk doesn’t begin until you have fucked them. And then it starts immediately after the orgasm. Bone shattering and the guy will need Levitra for a long time after.

Breaking the deal. Everyone is flawed. Admitting your flaws first softens the impact. Second, throw in something positive about them, make it up if you have to. Lastly, don’t do the standard,

“It’s me, not you.”

bullshit. Tell them the exact reason.

“Your house is a fucking zoo and I can’t take it anymore.”

This works for both dogs and kids.

As far as the baby talker is concerned, just get up and leave. Run away without a word. They don’t deserve an explanation and they wouldn’t understand.

Old Soul or Repeat Offender?

Ever heard someone refer to themselves or someone else as an
Old Soul?
I don’t think that is a good thing. I know what "Old Soul" implies, but I don’t see it that way. Aren’t you supposed to move on? Why can’t they get it right?

Of course if you don’t believe in reincarnation this means nothing.

I think about it sometimes when I’m fucking up.

“Pretty Alice!”

I think to myself,

“Why did you leave traces of DNA behind?

I’ve got to stop biting my nails.
Stupid, stupid, stupid just plain and simple stupidity!”

I know I am either in my first life or I am just a repeat offender. That’s ok; I just wish I could remember something from my past lives. Probably I just pick up where I left off. That is why I keep rolling my contempt and rage over into my next lives.

I find reincarnation comforting. It is like a cosmic do over. Maybe that is why I am a repeat offender. I don’t take it seriously. I know I will just keep getting second chances. Hell, might as well have fun and do what I want to do. I mean the Supreme Being needs to at least count to three or I’m never going to take him or her seriously. I’m a rule breaker. It’s my way.

The Christians’ God has got it right from a disciplinary point of view.

One shot, Heaven or Hell and that is it.
None of this fucking around with souls returning over and over again. It’s like being cosmic sperm. Ovum or no ovum too bad all that effort wasted.

You missed.

Game over.

Its not like you weren’t told.

You knew the rule but you just couldn’t help yourself. All those fantasies of making your own personal zombie slave so you wouldn’t have to lift a finger. You finally had to try it seven or nine times just so you didn’t have to pick up your own soiled underwear. And it didn’t work did it?
You stupid, lazy bastard.

Well I hope you are happy frying in a lake of fire and eternal damnation!

That’s why I am a Buddhist.

I might not remember my past life but I get a present one again and again.

Con temp toe through the rage with me

It seems my “friend” MANDY thinks my blog is, and I quote

“D…A...R…K.”

What did she think it was going to be, bunnies, gumdrops and pixie dust?

Well let me just quote back to her.

"To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart,

I stab at thee; for hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee."
H. Melville’s Captain Ahab

Another person said I write a lot about revenge, murder and hate. So what? Doesn’t everyone contemplate on this subject matter?......Whoops……ok maybe its just me and few other deranged individuals.

But really they are classic themes. These are intertwined acts of contempt and rage. It is not like I am all over the place. Today it is raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens and tomorrow it is death and futility.

My thought process and view of the world is consistent, consistently dark.
Haley Joel Osmond saw dead people, I see assholes. Fucking up to my eye balls with assholes and I am not only a member I am the President.

Maybe I use dark humor to curb the rage inside of me. Maybe my rage and humor are intertwined and I grapple with the demon me. Maybe I just think life is D A R K and that is funny to me. Better to embrace the demon than run away like the French.

I know, all the neighbors will say one day about me,
“Pretty Alice was a quiet person, kept to them self mostly, but nice. We are shocked, Pretty seemed like the perfect neighbor.”

Well it is true that fences and security alarms make good neighbors.

Stopping Quitting Smoking

So there I was smoking and drinking with my friends in my usual fashion holding a beer in my left hand and a cigarette in my right, hunched over, elbows on the bar protecting them like I’ve done time in prison or I’m in the fast lane to self destruction,

“Move over Grim Reaper, I got this one”,

Understand, this is where I am at home at peace, all is right in the world, my heart is in it. On this not so particular night someone made mention that a friend was back to her regular drinking. She stated,

“I felt like drying out, now I’m done with that.”

Exactly I thought.

“Good for you”

I said.

“You know I am sick of society cramming exercising, proper diet and not smoking down my throat!”

And for what I ask you? Fine if they have the time, money and motivation to “take better care” of themselves. More power to them. So they will be those healthy RVing seniors galloping the entire world in their retirement. Burdening health care and sucking social security dry.

Well not me. I will gladly give my life to lesson our country’s social security debacle. I refuse to take care of myself so I can take money from an antiquated system that shouldn't exist. I would much rather have that money to do with as I please. Save it, invest it or drink it and smoke it away!

Avoiding things that you love for whatever the reason, is torture and a waist of time on Al’s planet. I like to subscribe to the philosophy of,

“What if a bus hits and kills me tomorrow or I’m carried off by a twister. What then I ask you?

Why should I spend the rest of my life running on a treadmill?

All the while, still tortured by the itching, nawing of severed nicotine and beer that societal pressure made me cut off when there is high probability I might die tomorrow.

I know life is full of other activities that don’t involve drinking and smoking. Is it not cruel to ask me after years of Pavlovian conditioning to try to change what is so certainly ingrained into my personality? I am positive there is a family smoking, drinking genetic code in my DNA. Unless one of you out there sends me off to some reconditioning camp while paying all my bills for a year, I will be what I am to the day I die. Maybe a little sooner than it has to be, but who can say what fate as in store for us. So, I choose immediate gratification as I always do!

Today! I’m stopping quitting smoking. I’ve tried many times and failed. I don’t have the will power and I obviously don’t want to quit. Also, I’m stopping feeling guilty about being a smoker. Fuck off! You health Nazis, pushing your opinionated agenda in my dry, pale wrinkled smokey face!

i HATE clowns

“I mean who really likes clowns? At best we tolerate them.” - P. Alice

What The fuck? Why would anyone want to be a clown? Really, I mean Seriously.

What kind of freak wants to be a clown?

John Wayne Gacey, that’s who.

How does a person arrive at a place and time in their life that they decide to become a clown?

“Well, I’ve already accomplished alcoholism.

I guess I could move on to public masturbation or

hone my skills as a pedophile.

Trifeccta ! I’ll be a clown!”

Hey clown! I can still smell your beer and cigarette soaked lungs breathing all over me. Fucking clown with your laughing face, caked with grease paint hiding all your dirty little secrets.

The only thing worse and lower than a clown on the piece of shit totem poll (not sorry PC’ers) is a pantomime. Why you might ask knowing that clowns are truly putrid?

Because they are physically healthy people who rehearse and practice. At least a clown has made a logical and only natural choice of effortless progression. It takes motivation, effort, practice and physical ability to become a pantomime. But for what? To stand in the street to be starred at by tourist.

I’M PULLING A ROPE, OH NOW ITS PULLING ME…

THE WIND IS BLOWING SOOO HARD…

HELP! I’M SOOO PUZZLED, I’M STUCK IN A BOX!

I really, really don’t get it. It is like being a Blogger

READ ME, HERE ME, FEED ME, NEED ME!

one dead body away from serial killing

I started with this title because my friend Mandy said it best describes me. Summed up in a nice equation of 7 words. So i begin my first entry.

I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE.

If you could ask the people that know me best, they would tell you so. They tell me in observational comment quite frequently or maybe as a kind gesture of suggestion for me to seek help. I have and i can tell you there isn't any.

I guess it comes from simple general disappointment. I thought we would be better as individuals making up the whole. You could say my disappointment is only a reflection of myself. But it isn't. Sure there are those few individuals in my life that are ok. But the human race as a whole... really look at us. I include myself. If civilization had been left up to me we would still be eating carrion.
(not sorry to the those who subscribe to intelligent design for my evolution reference.)
Oh sure, with the exclusion of a few artist, writers and scientist in the history of people on planet earth what mark have we made in the universe?

(not that we have to accomplish anything)

but for the sake of my position
lets say there are two existences
not mine and yours,
but ours and theirs
and to exist
there should be something to show for it {just in case the alien Joneses are watching})

I like to think there is some purpose to life not to mine or yours but to humanity. So how many smiths, joneses and halls does it take to get a Da vinci, Shakespeare or Einstein for fucks sake? Talk about your law of averages.

So this brings me to intelligent design. IF there is some intelligent designer, did it just stop at DNA. "Well lets see what happens now" i mean time is running out according to al gore, we don't have much earth left and we have only gotten to lindsey lohan, brittany spears and 2007.
(by the way what a fucking shitty ass year 2007 was. fuck! you! 2007! and all you treadmill running assholes, do you think you are getting anywhere? we are ALL going to die.)

Ok back to my point. Sure we have indoor plumbing, religion, drugs, www, ipods, booze, cable, porn etc... but to what end? to what means? do we have to have so many trailer park, NASCAR inhabitant excess to get so few Peter Gabriels in the world? Really, he is only going to live so long. Why cant he live 200 years in the place of of a couple former Jerry springer guest?

So the loathing and rage builds. I look in the mirror. I think one dead body is a start. Not me of course I'm too narcissistic to start there. But how can i leave MY mark? How can i help correct the nature of the law of averages. I cant stop procreation .....

but i can do damage control.