It is the pentacle of harmless alcoholism. His brain has focused on one constant solitary image he can’t erase. A beautiful, perfect, greasy, salty, crunchy fish sandwich.
But alas, while craving he is too drunk to drive.
Now obsessed, every 30 seconds the thought of sex has been replaced. And the rest of the night all conversations are interjected with,
Now obsessed, every 30 seconds the thought of sex has been replaced. And the rest of the night all conversations are interjected with,
“I could really go for a fish sandwich.”
But how does he get it. He fidgets with the keys in his pocket. Goes to the door and stares at his car. He knows if he makes a run for it his friends will be all over him. So this becomes a ritual for the next hour or so, fidgeting and starring, up and down, back and forth.
“I could really go for a fish sandwich.”
If it wasn't two in the morning he would just call his wife. But he is drunk, out too late and that is just not an option since she is home in bed asleep and thinks he is as well.
Eventually I get sick of his,
“I could really go for a fish sandwich.”
So I suggest that if he could really go for a fish sandwich, where there is no will power there is a way. In other words, have money will eat fish sandwich.
Fortunately for him, over the years I have developed a close relationship with one particular cab service. Well it is not an actual cab service. It is a husband and wife that drive people from place to place and take donations for the trip. So, it is wise to tip well if you want to see them again and quickly. Anyway, they know me well. So much so that on one particular occasion, I called them to bring a bag of ice to my house. We were in dire need and of course too intoxicated to drive.
So problem solved. That is if he is willing to pay 10 bucks to come get his money, 10 bucks to McDonald's and 10 bucks back to the house. He was. He had two for good measure and according to him they were the best things he had ever eaten.
Only in America could this kind of tragedy be averted. America truly is the land of opportunity and immediate gratification. I feel sorry for those late night drinkers all over the world.
I bet they are hungry.
