Cuckoo For CoCodependance

What a good cereal.

I know I

took

it

hook

line

and

sinker.

Hmmmmmm. deliciously destroying every

fiber of the once former self.

And even though I am no longer a vengeful

rage filled time bomb of revenge;

My lies I hold to protect the people I love

is now floating to the surface, ready tho escape

my mouth.

SEE LYING IS LYING.

We all do it. We lie to others, we lie to ourselves.

Some lies,

the "white lies"

we use to

spare feelings.

However we are actually cheating that person

from reality and the opportunity to reflect

and possible change.

Then there is the "avoidance lie" to escape

confrontation or an activity like a child's birthday party.

Then there is the "hypocritical" lie.

This is when we are friends with an adulator,

yet hate another person for doing the same thing.

The intention

is the degree

for which

we judge decent or cruel lying.

NOW

I have been called a liar.

It is true.

I AM A LIAR.

Also in fair turn, I have been lied about.

I will accept my lying and being lied upon without defense.

I know the truth and I can live with it.

But Oedipus wanted the truth and look how that ended.

If you want me to tell all the truth beware.

For the truth I know will destroy lives.

SO HERE IN LIES THE MORAL QUANDARY

OF MY TRUTH I HOLD.

Be honest and hurt many people so that I can be one

who is known to tell the truth.

Or remain silent

to protect

the guilty

and most importantly

to save one I still love.

For now I am a fucking no good liar holding on to the secrets

of destruction in this unhealthy sick circle of co dependence.

Oh what a struggle.

My evil rising in me,

can the love and joy in my heart muster strength

and forgiveness

in my scoundrel soul.

Only time will tell if I can continue to lie

to hold the dirty truth of secrets.

It is not a moral issue for me.

It is a conscious act of

peace, love, compassion and understanding.

Hugs and kisses to all of you that I own.

One Dim Light Bulb Away From Chaos

Shakespeare is my Jesus.

Galileo is my Jesus.

Sophocles is my Jesus.

Peter Gabriel is my Jesus.

Thoreau is my Jesus.

Jesus is my Jesus.

I had a wonderfully real conversation

with a man who is not a repeat offender

he truly is an old soul.

Such a kind man, understanding, compassionate,

funny, intelligent, humble, excellent husband

and involved and devoted to his children.

Pause for a moment. I don't say this

lightly. Because I believe most of us

me, you

are inept in self-actualization;

compassion, peace, love and understanding.

So, when I say this about my friend, it is a fact.

We were laughing about your

carbon foot print

and the end of the world.

Just how vulnerable we are floating

on this tiny dust speck Earth.

In this conversation the age old question arose,

"What happens to you when you die?"

"Do we have souls?"

"Where do they go?"

Basically,

"Are there Heaven and Hell parties in the great beyond?"

We shared our thoughts. Some similar, some not.

When it came down to it we agreed that having

something to believe in beyond the self was the point.

Now I gain comfort from the thought that we are

only energy at the sub-atomic level.

When I die I am none the wiser.

It is not my goal that I have an after life.

It is mine that I use the energy in my body

now, while I think therefore I am,

like a stone that hits the water

rippling positive into the universe.

It is what I leave behind.

"Oops,

I have a lot of work to do

to get back in black."

My ripple effects the people in my life

and strangers I meet on the streets.

It is within the radius of what I can see and hear

as I move throughout my day.

I don't look at my future, I glance back occasionally

with a grin but return to the task at hand.

My soul guards mankind

manically raging against the absurdity

of that which is fear

spreading out ripples

of judgement, hate, anger and violence

into the perfect universe.

Someone made notice that our brain

when angered or frightened

is

no different than that of an

ape, one with a cell phone but

still just as primitive as we ever were.

Well I don't know about you, but my soul,

damn him,

will NOT stand idly by

while the controlling, mind numbing,

fear mongering

apes of propaganda

wreak havoc

with our peace, love and understanding.

The Idiots can fight over

religion, politics and superiority.

Intelligent can fight best

when they oppose bullshit the most.

"Sweet God of all things great and small;

It is the middle that sanity stands."