THE CARNAGE TRAIL

You. I like that you were the only person to tame me. Of course you released me back into the wild. I quickly  went feral.

That's a gift I believe. The ability to ease from one life to another.

Flexibility can sustain idealism.

On the other side idealism  can't foster in the mainstream lifers. That's the way it is with lofty social goals. Think of those select few who sees society as a whole and misses the microcosm thinking that we will all eventually come to one world philosophy of peace, love and tenderness.

It's OK to have those lofty goals, to aim for the sky. However,  I think we might  remember that we were not born with wings, that planes crash and we have been to the moon twice and there was nothing there.

So while we're spending our time spinning our wheels, the select few continue to attempt to drive humanity forward. The masses will build it and yet anchor it down. They destroy the intellectual spiritual direction through born atrocities and meager existence. But it's through limited cognitive ability, fear and starvation that the pyramids still stand.

Some like living in the fantasy of one day. We deny the practicality of reality. Honesty comes with a price in a world that prefers a lie I suppose.

Like man's greatest achievement, we go in circles.

So judge me for being a negative nay sayer. It's just an opinion. An observation.

Maybe there were slaves saying, "Can you get me on at the pyrimads. My girlfriend says goat tending is for losers."
Maybe it was like getting on with a automotive manufacturer in the 60's right out of high school. Of course we know how that is now.

Really, my hunch is that the masses through process is burdened down with the day to day struggle of surviving that they don't have the luxury to dream of utopia. or they are fed up with indoctrination, "Maybe I don't wanna get with it, your utopian bullshit. Get without it... get what I want, get what I need, yeah that's what I want."

So one dreams it for exstatentialism, the other builds it for food, clothing and shelter.

My concept, perversely it is the technology of instant communication, our greatest achievement to date that will date us.

Leave us scattered in the wake of this class separation, this chasm of thought we move forward and backward. One direction growing more massive than the other all the while tied together like the Earth and moon, never the twain shall meet or survive without the other, but eventually will go together back to the cosmos where it all began.

Only You Know or You Don't Know

The difference between comedy and tragedy is the timing. Sometimes horrific is funny and joyful is sad. It's the 90° angle that you witness when you were expecting something else.

Expectations get us every time.

It's really the individuals  perspective that we each define ourselves. A crafted reality. Perspective is the stuff that dreams or nightmares are made. It's whatever floats our boat or burdens our way.

It doesn't matter if you were born in a high rise in Manhattan  or in some slum by a crack whore that dumped you to the social service system, or whether mommy and daddy loved you or neglected you or daddy or mommy loved you way too much, you're not going to escape life without resentments .

And resentments are the foundation, the building blocks of our perspective.

And from our perspectives, come our choices.

Mostly these are unaware choices we make as we sit, walk or run to the finished line.

Our pleasure or acceptance of a circumstance details the outcome. Conscious choice rarely intervenes.

One man's decisions  is another man's guess in the dark.

It's all relative.

Whether you are eating Westminster saltines which are the best you have ever tasted or
eating processed saltines you made from the crumbles and remains at the bottom of the sleeve and those that fell from the sides of your mouth, it is arrogance or humility that defines the delicacy.

Let or don't let all those naysayers tell you that processed doesn't make you happy.
That's their trip. You can climb aboard or swim to shore.

Processed tastes as good as is the perspective of the palette.

I wanted to say, processed tastes as humble is the palette.

But that's my thing. Humility and gratefulness.

Me? I have an unfair advantage. I looked into the abyss and it lurched up. I'm still escaping.


So, who am I  to say what we eat is who we are? Or, what we do is who we are.

In my escape, I brought a view that makes me wonder about people who spend their life in excess pursuing money power and fame to accentuate their tastes, when others believe you don't even own your very soul. And there are those who don't even bother with anything other than what is given, stolen or grifted.

This time, this life eventually goes on without you and whether the soul goes on with or without you to end or to renew, presently, whatever you have left behind or lies in your future, there is nothing in comparison to your now.

We all exist somewhere in our own time zones living our reality.

Who is to know that a reckless  short life is much better than a feared long life, or an opulent self serving life is better than a of humble life of service?

Best Laid Plans Are Improvised

Best Laid Plans Are Improvised

Wordsworth said "The world is too much with us". And somebody said "The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray".

Planning is our way of preparing for the time when are too old to be preparing. We want to be able to rest while death is rapidly approaching. It's the age old story of the ant and the grasshopper.
 "The way I see it is one man's squandering is another man's adventure.
There two groups in this the world, preoccupied with preparing or too preoccupied to prepare.

Either way, the world is too much with us only because our self awareness is being bombarded by society's concept and belief of how we should live, behave,  rather than listening to our own internal dialogue, our innate DNA  given self.

And the only reason we listen is because we are connected by the need to be connected. Some are very good at filtering and standing alone others gravitate to like individuals and segregate  together, finding reinforcement in solidarity of their solitude.
I call that inbreeding or mass mutual self gratifying masturbation.  You pick.
It's really all about the need for validation. Needing to be told you are important, that you matter rather than finding self actualization. Not that anyone has, but it's the journey not the destination. Yes? No? Oh who agrees with me? Anybody? So that's how it's going to be?

Oh, by the way it was Robert Burns.  I guess he was on the idea of no matter what life, small with no conscience to man with his libido, life is life. You're born then you die.
And in between it is a series of choices.

I think the biggest choice is to fear or not fear. I was speaking with a friend about fear and she said that fear is a good thing because it protects us from danger. I agree except that is for when we were toddlers. It is a primitive reflex so our ancestors would not be eaten by the sabertooth tiger but, eventually our intelligence and learning from situations should give us the common sense not to go out at night when there is a killer tiger lurking about.
So, plan as you might we all know what the famous bumper sticker states, "shit happens".

For me, my past is a whirlwind at my back.

Maybe there is a third group, those preoccupied with living with passion, art and expression. Hippies. But they eventually succumb. Dead Head driving a Cadillac? Ring a bell?

Now, as the rest of us less passionate, get closer and closer to that time when we are too old to prepare, some begin taking toll of their lives and the choices they have made and the choices they are going to make narrow  down between two things, is it a need or want? As a species we are driven by a connection to others. Now you can argue, go back-and-forth between sex and love Which is which and is it a want or need?

I often in retort to others like to refer to the to the quote by the blues Brothers, " Everybody needs some body".

This constant drives our every important decision.

We desire connection, physical, emotional, mental or intellectual. This is a staple in humanity, to love and be loved . It is our own form of intimacy. in which we individually design  and seek from others. No one else can tell us if it is real or not . Our environment and our organic structure is intertwined in synchronicity or conflict. Real is relative to the individual.  Wether it exist if only for a moment or for a lifetime. Reality is really a view from an ever changing perspective. The flexible bend, the brittle break.

So choice is ours.

Even choosy choosers sometimes take what they can get that is close to their need or want as it has been designed.

Indiscriminate choosers take what is next on fate's menu.

With desperation or adventure comes risk. Welcome to planet earth.

In most cases we must all compromise or perish into desperation. But acceptance can suffice in our plans gone astray.

I'll leave you with this last quote from a man's deathbed who fought and was wounded on the beach of Iwo Jima. Saw his friends heads blown off their bodies ripped apart. " You won't regret what you did in life, only what you didn't do"

I've walked to nowhere many times and have always walked back

.

It's a self loathing thing. A rage against life. A way to know I am alive. Some jump from planes, others climb mountains and so forth. I delve into the darkness of society to test boundaries, to face death before my time. 

I gain empowerment when I walk the no white man's streets. Argue the price, pull out a wad of cash daring then to take it from me. 

They no better than to fight a man with a death wish. Fearless is feared. 

Block after block a target. My invisibility my posture leads my path safely home.

I gain strength to walk in the valley of death and know that to fear evil is to fear me. It's like flying. It is weightlessness. Freeing. 

But it doesn't hold. Last. Secure. To be validated as alive requirement involves repetition of the immediate embrace of death.

Never a simpler affair

Family Reunions You go with high hopes and leave hungover and grateful for the distance when you are home.  Sanctuary 

Abby

My sweet Abby.

You don't know me anymore than I know you.

I was there. I was with you. Bugs, frogs Madagascar hissing roaches.

Who you are now, there is a part of me.

I will never forget you.

I am not what they say.

You, me all are subject to others. Memories are real and some are only relayed to us to sift through.

Reach out I will grab your hand.

Your life gave me life. 

I hold tight.

Follow the second star on the right, straight on til morning.

Uncle Cary

The grace of life

You do not always have to be strong but only  to feel and cry and time will come that you  will be okay

For this is life. People and things come and go and we are changed by the passings and grow strength through the experience of pain. 

Follow the blood trail

Trustworthy of a person is based on their nature foul mouthed or not.

This is supposed to be based on a study.the conclusion being that the more verbal vulgarities the more trustworthy the person.  Ever hung out at a lawyers bar?

I like the story of the frog and the scorpion the scorpion asks the frog to take him across the river and the frog says I can't because you will sting me and the scorpion says I won't sting you because we both will drown so the frog says OK but halfway across the river the scorpion stings the frog and the frog says to the scorpion you stung me now we're going to both drown and the scorpion says nonchalantly it's in my nature.

You are too pretty to be thinking right now. So stop or keep it up.  I follow my nature. Beetle or human. We are organisms. Curse or gift of the evolved brain. I ignore society's manufactured consent. 

Approach first with kindness.

 After?

 Above ALL else. Be true to yourself. And swing away. 

They serve food and drinks

They serve frivolity. Friendship. Conversation. Togetherness And a bill.

I'm am biding my time

There are perfect moments
in life. When you are in a moment of bliss. Contentment and joy. Elated. Like a happy ending in a movie after the characters have struggled through hardship and dilemma. I always wonder as the credits role, "what now?"  Because you and I know that after the credits comes the fall. The roller coaster of living. Up and down. Thrills and spills. We are never finished. Not here nor after here. 

It's beautiful the dichotomy of our lives. The Yin and Yang. Just when we reach the pentacle we reset to start again. But I know and hope you know this is only a reality of this physical world. Life can be be an avoidance of accumulation, and instead a  practice of patience, love and focus. Fine tuning our belief that all there is to life here is to love and be loved. All else is our will fighting to stay against what is beyond.

What seems important here
Is only in our choice, fear fuels the fire.  Yet we do not have to submit.

Let go of the preconceived. Let go of the ought to, the you should, the how it is supposed to be.

All this goes on without you, all this is a dream, all this is a measure of what we can be beyond what what we know here.