"Ah, the nature of a net".

Even though I love my father,I still after all these years I am only a boy
attempting to save myself by rescuing my mother in whomever I find her.

This time I lost myself in the sadness and desperation of your pain and my hatred of your bully. I apologize. I have no right. It's your life not mine. I have one, but as I am on my way, I just get distracted then trapped as I often easily do.

No blame here, just bewildered and confused to pursue blindly forward until I realize again the pocket of my reality the confines of my truth.

In the end, It's all windmills of a personal war  when I fight battles that are not my own.

I should know better but blindly I pursue until exhausted I see that my time and effort would be better spent on myself.

I guess it's a way of attachment without commitment. Misdirection  for the sake of avoidance. In the end I am a vicious fighter that is a relentless coward.

That being said, of my on volition I know
I cannot struggle the lure of the net no more than it's design can stop me.
Time will just pull me on up, fillet me, cook me and devour me so I can begin again.

Other people's bitching gets in the way of my bitching

because someone always has it worse.

If you're not disfigured or dismembered in some way, have a terminal illness, cognitively delayed, live in a third world country where there is a constant state of war, genocide, genital mutilation or rape as a general practice, be grateful.

And if you are experiencing all of the above, then you can bitch.

Stop Whining

We should grow. You see your pain, your struggle backward.

It's part of a process.
Not easy.
Keep in mind it's better to pay the price for something you want than something you don't.

And you're not getting out of life without paying a price. t
That is the gift that God gave you, struggle. The growth is up to you.

I feel for you going through this. But I've done it and continue to do it fearlessly.

You have had me has your support your distraction and foundation. Now is your time to do the real hard part.  Fly.
Just like billions of others. You will do it or you won't.
Quit or find the strength and patience for the minute at a time that is required. If you can, you will be truly free.
You say, I wish I had never met you."
I ask, "Where would you be now? "
Too late. Wishing before or after the fact is fruitless. Now, you are forever changed as am I. That's what human interaction does for us.

People see and feel what they want to se and feel. Known suffering is no more difficult than suffering the unknown. It's just more familiar more comfortable more stagnant.

I enjoy an honest fight on my behalf

To what means do we do a thing? Either in or out.

For some the right thing comes naturally, others it's a struggle and the remaining its a selfish existence

It's a life each are given.
Funny I guess. But not. Ask the kid in the photographer's basement or the third world start in chaos, in famine, genocide and war. Wrought with these choices, or our nature versus society's indoctrination and the environment we traverse, it's a curse and a gift.
It's a a choice, a perspective to be measured in our time given on Earth.