Suffering Irony: A Real Goddess of the Universe

Where do I begin? Here.

Have you been amazed today? I hope so. I have.

Remember I live on an island

created by my directions.

You don't know theses directions,

but know this

"I decide what is right or wrong,

I make my decisions about my actions not

on what you think of me or what I think

you will think of or expect of me, as long

as I first approach with kindness."

So there I am on my island doing whatever I am doing

which is exactly what I am supposed to being doing at that moment.

In my bubble moving throughout the universes.

Nudging against mankind. But really

avoiding

and pretending

while smiling away.

As I have read on bumper stickers, Life Happens.

Real decision making moments. Moments that test ones

character and beliefs.

And my moment came out of no where,

this is a day by day situation that requires

all my island can muster.

A fragile, twisted step by step process of holding

true to myself and yet balancing healthy interaction

with a member of mankind.

Lets do one those swirly wavy drift

back in time scenes, as I begin to tell the tale.

20 years ago I knew this

pure,

radiant,

honest,

innocent

real

Goddess of the Universe

that glowed.

Not one I could kill like Pretty did so easily

nor did she need to be..

This one was built emotionally strong and healthy

intact and functioning full force.

As a matter of fact

so much so that I feared her

and being near her that I

had to protect here from

me and my notorious destructive behavior.

This was a remarkable person whose

humor, intelligence mixed with sparkling eyes

and smile and a laugh that stunned anyone

with ability to discern what is real and not.

She was the real deal. OK I think you got the picture.

If not just stop reading and go back to TV.

So you see.....(out of the way back machine)

Now I stumbled across the Goddess not broken

but wounded close to the edge but not at despair.

Hanging in there like that little kitty in the poster.

Here is where you have to trust me because

I can never ever explain to you how this chance meeting

affected me. Life changing moment situation.

So is this part of my spiritual path?

Is this yet another universal test of my character?

It is tricky, what is my will versus my fate?

Sometimes risking action when not knowing can make a mess.

But I could not leave her broken an wounded

anymore than could I have broken or wounded her.

So I am going to be there for her, like I was years ago.

Help her find her way back to that radiant, remarkable glow.

Someone will be hurt in the end.

I hope its me. It should be me. It will be me.

I have hurt more than I have been hurt.

I can suffer the pain of this irony

for the cost

is a small price to pay for

her to see herself the way I see her.

All My Decisions Are Final Until I Change My Mind

What a beautiful thing.

As an individual it is most important

to me to place my Freedom before all others.

And after scrutiny or a fancy whim I might reverse.

Of course,

changing ones mind could just be a indication

of indecisiveness, insecurity or plain stupidity.

And then there is always

during a debate

just when as you are realizing that you are wrong

and terribly out witted

saving face might require a change of thought.

You know, "The Looking Glass Theory"

Following the crowd is easy. You fit in well

and you avoid the judgement others

who are no more

better

or

less than you.

I like the prerogative of being free to change my mind.

It is a challenge to analyze your belief system.

Not the one you were indoctrinated with

but the one you develop as an individual, free thinking organism.

Examples,

There is no God, there is a God.

War or no war.

Too much government or not enough government.

Hot Krispy Kreme or stale Krispy Kreme.

Philosophy is only the discussion

of someting never practice

by the thinker.

Methodologist take action

and once they do a thing then they

can know a thing.

They can be transformed

or

prove that they were correct all along.

Thats how to determine if your decision is final.

It is easy to make a quick decision and a quick change.

It is difficult, and requires reading, and method

to make an intelligent decision and even more

to change that decision.

But like I have written before some decisions

are irrelevant

some

are significant

but

most importantly

some can be irreversible.

If my decision is ultimately in the end

final

I will will follow it out

whether detrimental

or

spiritual.

Fate Up Against My Will or When I Think I Know What I Am Doing I Am Wrong

Ever during a dream found such glorious

ecstasy of reasoning and understanding?

But like a child running so fast, faster and faster

until the brain cannot keep coordination

for the wild recklessness of the boys joyful

spirit he begins clumsily wildly flailing arms,

legs now beyond his control stammering in

a crippled gait disconnected now from his brain,

he comes to a wild stomping tripping crash,

to the the ground.

You wake, the feeling, the emotions of glorious joy still remains,

but the logic the sense of the dream is gone.

Puzzled you move to your daily routine

and eventually the world takes away that euphoria.

Takes away that perfect

logical reasoning and understanding

of the ecstatic joy.

Your every being overwhelmed by

immense love and euphoria experienced.

It is my fate versus my will.

The two intertwining struggling brings my spiritual path

off course into a series of blunders and tragic mishaps.

When I accept my fate as it occurs daily. I

calm, and cage my will. Give it time to see

it is uselessly ragging against the

grandeur of the universe,

and temporarily it will disappear.

And I return to my spiritual path

a continual amazing flow of

peace, love and compassion.

Understanding myself and my place in the universe.

That I give to faith.

I don't need to know how

I got here.

I just owe appreciation and forgiveness

to the fact

that I am.

Life is as I choose to believe.