My First God

As I raised my head up

and looked around at the devastation

I had caused,

near the end of my self-destruction

and at the beginning of my restoration,

reconstruction, whatever

my head was still zooming

and even more so

with the thoughts and comments of

an angry sad man whose

mental obsessive loop played

repeatedly day and night.

First things first.

Choose what is important and what is not.

So, I launched an infinitely large

cardboard box into the even more

infinite universe.

Before I did, I inscribe on the box,

THINGS ON MY DEATHBED THAT DO NOT MATTER.

I know. The box metaphor again?

Sure I love boxes

not for living in

but for storing, sorting or saving.

I have a box in my home marked,

Awesome Inside.

So I began the slow, methodical process

of identifying the

important

and

the

irrelevant uncontrollable useless thoughts.

The recognition was the difficult task,

the discarding was easy.

Slowly over a period months

my mind began to quiet.

There were less thoughts. Calm had arrived

the clamoring was gone.

For the first time in my life I could hear.

It was the beginning of my spiritual path.

A small opening lay ahead of me

from years of misunderstanding,

denying and over-accepting of blame,

guilt and shame.

Now feel free to use my box

at anytime, not as a God

but as place to dump.

A clearing house of priorities and perspective.

It is easy that we gravitate to the negative

at anytime in our lives

and fill our heads with such junk.

In a world where the superficial seems so prominent

and

the existence of

fear, greed and self centeredness is everywhere.

A friend of mine mentioned how

unfair it was that some get a better

start in life than others.

I don't know if fairness has anything to do with it.

I see the universe as perfect, containing

clockwork precision and chaos.

It is the random events where we experience

joy and pain and the possibility of new growth.

It is the clockwork precision we

receive stability, strength and confidence

for understanding of our place here on Al's planet.

It was a long time after that

I developed my directions for living

and my understanding that each day I start over

always vigil and working to maintain balance.

For me, to remain happy and content,

will always require self-awareness and effort.

I am grateful that I discovered my Island

for the directions there keep me on course.

By the way,

should my box filled

with such stuff that shall not

be repeated,

return to Earth

modified from alien technology

just call

Captain Kirk

cause I'm out of here.