My Sharona Non Grata

By Scary Halloween

When she opened her mouth and spoke,  I knew I didn't want my cock in it.

My propensity for even my own drinking makes me weary, shouldn't she have been  of me?

And it clicked,

although  it is the holidays with all the  

 "three 8 balls,
two french whores
and a hotel with  a pair tree" 

hoopla 

repetitively pushing me so,

 in some Devine moment

reality hit like a sledgehammer.

Dull, hard and thick flattening my skull stunning my brain,

I reversed in an instant , a Persona Nirvana rang clear like an angel getting their wings. 

And from that point all my best laid plans had changed. 

Normally,
  I didn't  follow or like traditions.
 Especially those marred in superstition.  But that night I realized that had been doing just that.

Then and there  I knew I wanted and required something better, something real.  

At the time I didnt know what was real but I knew I had
had enough of fantasy, enough of delusion. 

The whole idea for men, for me that sex, getting laid is a priority a must to be satisfied  is bullshit. It is a practice in futility that no longer fueled my desire. The whole "Whatever gets you through the night .."  was not alright. 

Not alright anymore. 

That is how I separated from Scoundrel Ghost. How I became my own real self.  Scary Halloween. 

God bless us all. 

In Reply To The Hot Sexy Woman I Now Will Not Get To Have Sex With

By Scary Halloween

HER

"The truth is this Jesus died for our sins we have no way  to be holy to redeem ourselves.  God did it for us through His Son Jesus no other religion can you be made right with God there is only 1 truth...no considers tion is needed. "

ME

Well that's a choice. See you believe definitively  that the bible is the word of god. That is an absolution of dogma you have chosen. I respect that. But from that precipice you cannot know anything else. 

I am well read of all religions and science.

God is everything, everywhere and not just one thing.

 God is love. God is positive. 

Faith should be an educated decision, not a blind choice. 

Careful with your devotion to not to paint yourself in a corner. 

Lines get crossed all the time. 

The crusades are a good example. 

If all you have studied is the bible and you stopped there without anymore information and you plant your feet in the sand of intolerance, in the sand Christ stepped upon as he carried you when you could not carry yourself, the very same sand the bible warns you not to use as a foundation, then that is misguided knowledge. 

It is ignorance and and prejudice and ugly and not the teaching of Christ to my understanding. But that is they of intepruptation. 

Your religion is an organization made of people and people are human and human's motivations are not always godly. 

Personally,  I don't spend my time trying to define god, 

justify my relationship with god or 

god's existence,

 but rather my time is spent in my relationship with god 

and how I act on it with all kind .

"You call this a gin gimlet? Hack!"

By Scary Halloween

It's how we begin. How we are treated. Catered to that we become accustomed to a certain way of life. How we develop expectation.

I didn't start out life with the perfect gin gimlet but once I had one I want one every time after that, no matter what crappy strip mall chain shit hole bar that I have the misfortune of imbibing .

It's a fatal life error to have expectations. Unless you want to constantly be disappointed. Skilled mental navigation through what you get and what you want is required to avoid being grounded in daily disappointment. 

I see an expectation much different than a standard or a preference. 

An expectation is external, a idea of how others should behave rather than an internal, how I perceive.

I'm sounding preachy as if I've got my shit together. If you know me then you are laughing. 

But it is possible for me to know a thing, verbalize it and still be struggling to achieve it. 

I'm grateful I know not to have expectations. I know people that do. They can spend their lifetime fighting windmills only to continually have the same result, disappointment. 

Not me. I just need to improve on my indifference, my lack of expectation. I guess I think I know better not to bother.

Me in my way is my way.

By Scary Halloween

I would be happy if not for preconceived notions. 

It's a choice. Instead of waiting for external winds to catch and lift me up to nirvana, acting internally to live in the nirvana I create is the way to go. 

Easier said than done. But life on planet Earth is not easy. I don't think it should be, but at times I want it to be.

 Maybe that is hurting society. This idea life should be easy. 

We have politicians and ad executes to thank for their manufactured bullshit, bombarding us with the American Dream. 

Preconceived notions.

 Hey. Mom and dad you did alright, that is under your preconceived notions. 

As for me,

I'm an adult. Kinda. Well according to my restricted drivers license  I am of age. 

 I don't blame anyone for who I am now.  Ok I do blame me at times. 

Preconceived Notions. 

Well really who made who at this point? Am I right? Of course I am. 

Stars upon thars. Right?  Excellent!

Damn Theodore Geisel you are a prophet if there ever was one. Of course I like to think shrooms had something to do with it. 

If not, then you received the greatest gift, the most awesome birth defect.. 

He was so incite full, precise, charming, funny, kind and loving in his "children's stories".

I'm grateful for his wisdom and at the same time I'm envious and I hate him. 

Preconceived Notions. Damn them in my life, damn them with my ex wife. 

So me in my way is my way. 

It's a struggle but it is my struggle. I can't be the only one but that is irrelevant. 

Preconceived Notions.

Crap for Christ

By Scoundrel Ghost

Eventually life catches up with the superficial, those in pursuit of fame, money and power, and the followers after their eternal salvation both believing in all the shit money and credit can buy. 

I know it's cruel and futile for me to hang my salvation on the innocence of others.

But I do it. So does everybody. Hell the church taught me everything I try. 

Does the follower  know that whether one at a time or by masses flooding to mass, that the their devotion is manufactured consent? No. If they did they would rebel out of conscious choice. Hey whatever happened to that?

Dollars and power in numbers; apparently, the road to heaven has a toll booth and the road to hell is paved with devious intentions. 

Good god forgives.

Now all this rhetoric might give you the idea I don't believe in God. I do, I just don't need others to justify my belief and certainly don't need Wall Street  to edge it's funds on my devotion measured in the money I spend on the most lavish rouses of all, a birthday party. 

Hey. Don't get me wrong. Giving is good. Giving of your time, effort and love or even court ordered giving is healthy.

 But giving shit for shit's sake; swapping shit for shit because you want to be given to or because you think you have too or because you don't want to be the one who doesn't give or because everyone else is signed up for December madness?

Madness. 

Now I do like the festive cheer of lights, trees, family and friends gathered by fire, food and drink. 

Loving and being loved, sharing together is love. 

But the higher ups will not have just that. So It's all about the buy in. All good pitches have one. 

WIIIFM!

What Is In It For Me?

All good lies instill fear and offer reward.  Indoctrination begins with a lie. Santa. You devil in a red suit. 

Clever jolly saint. 

You know the Jews hate Christians for that move. Guess that is what they get for killing the son of God. Ouch. 

If I'm going for a religious WIIIFM,  I going with the Muslims. 

That whole idea about virgins. 

I look forward to my first blowjob in heaven.

Relativity Fest

By Scary Halloween 

They call me Mister Sir. 

I'm a steam rolling snow ball ever expanding in a  full throttle trajectory into a steering abyss of blunders, mishaps, tragedy and laughter. 

The stuff from which  impulse is made of, the crawling itch under  skin, a  burning singularity  in the brain that hurls the mind to the precipice of gratification. 

However, when the leap is taken, it loses its allure quickly . In fact, immediately. 

Very instantaneously , based on initial trajectory, weight, acceleration and of course distance. 

Although what might seem a lifetime regretting during the leap, it ends in the fleeting moment of initial decision.  

Only one thing to do before the grinding halt, leap again.

I Wish My Name Was Frank Cause I'd Like To Be

By Scoundrel Ghost

all the time.
Seems honest, efficient.
It's those "feelings"

we have that are so important
that get in the way.

If I said to a bartender, 

"I'm drinking, not in charm school.  Unless your going to feel me up, shut up and pour".
I'd have to watch every drink's perpetration after that. 

No, " I gotcha buddy."

More like 

"I will  get you. asshole. "

Personally, I would like to be directly, honestly and succinctly spoken to.
It's my lack of feelings that gives me the rewards of indifference. 

Humphrey Bogart's character, Rick Blaine in Casablanca summed up indifference best when he said ,
" Everybody has problems, maybe yours will work out."

Here is another time when I said what was on my mind. 

"If you will just touch it, this  will all be over and we can go home,"

Now that didn't go over like I thought it would. 

Followed with, 

"Really? What's the problem ? "

Then,

"One who waits who hesitates will be TOO late. "

Very quickly I found myself explaining to police that this was not my van and it belonged to a friend's mom. But I didn't know his last name. Or hers. 

Oh well. All is well that doesn't end in serving time again. 

Usually, I find my frankness when I've lost my ability articulate. Fortunately, most of what slurs thickly out of my mouth falls into the roaring noise of the bar or the numbed eardrums of those around me. 

But occasionally, it registers. 

That's when I offer that they were mistaken. I'm a gentleman. 

And if they want the cops here, I know them quite well and they will be happy to take us all for cheese sandwiches. 

One again indifference favors the fool.

It is such a shame born with two livers and only one bladder

By Scary Halloween 

God works in mysterious ways. To me that means he is a perverse deity with a precise, delicious, awe inspiring sense of humor. 

I love him for that.  I hate him for that. 

It's hilarious really how much time and energy we spend fretting, fighting living in fear. Obsessed in the pursuit for wealth, power and junk when we live such short momentary lives. So fleeting, seems like our time would be best spent elsewhere. 

But no. 

You, me. We actually think we own the physical objects around us that we have painstakingly accumulated. 

To what end to what means?
For security, self image?
To fill feeling?

Sentimentality is just that. Clinging to the physical to connect to a feeling a memory is odd to me.  Why not just connect. By pass the junk.

Now what I really wanted to discuss is God's ( in our eyes FAVORITE) mistake. Us. Humans. 

What a pretentious bunch of assholes. When you look at us, one can only rationally decide we are his Ebola or sitcom.
If not, then God is a drunkard. I can live with that.

Can you?

Regardless, for my sanity, I think it is laughter he is after. 

If not, God help himself and us all. 

I can only handle a certain level of crazy before I go mad.

By Scoundrel Ghost

Same with a pretentious irritating voice yapping on and on. It never shuts up unless it gets a beating it deserves. 

I would like to intellectually slice him up then physically beat him down. What an asshole to ruin my 5th gimlet. 

Assholes. They are everywhere. 

The other night I noticed a show, Celebrity Hauntings. For god sakes. I've never been haunted except by my past. 

How is it that these 3rd rate celebrities, one after another has been haunted? 

Attention, desperation, needy liars. 

Ghost hauntings?

There are enough assholes in this world,

 I don't need one from another dimension annoying me like this piss ant at the corner of the bar.

I know all he knows means nothing in the end. but now myself sitting alone with my gimlet while he is surrounded by hot chicks hanging on his every gratingly delivered word, haunts me. Asshole. 

Ripples, Fractals and Cycles

By Pretty Alice

I know now what I didn't know then. 

Then 

when I lived on the Earth. I'm grateful I remember that life and I do not regret the fear I knew there for now I know love. 

For all that time I spent there on that plane of existence

 I could have chosen love 

as easily as I chose fear.

I was  what I fed. 

Love or Fear is an ever expanding repeating  cycle. 

As it is in the universe it is so within us. 

It is as you or I choose to believe. You can withdraw in a cold frozen stone or ripple out to an expansive wave of giving and receiving. 

The time here is short, do with it what you will.
I was given a gift I did not earn, to have memory of one life to the other.

All that will remain of you is the memory in someone else's head and hopefully the love with which you filled their heart. 

It's Not How You Got There, It's Where You Go From Here

By Scary Halloween

I hate the reality of my acceptance. 

Accept or Deny,  It is a choice. 

Of course I could continue to play with the little endless game of pong in my head. 

Bleep.             Accept.          Bleep.

 Deny.            Bleep.             

You get the image. 

Occasionally, I recognize that pride is a dangerous thing,and  with that comes ignorance, vanity, and a total complete lack of understanding of self and others. 

Living healthy spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally requires a daily ever 

vigilant focus of internalizing processing and acting.  

That is exhausting on the front end,

at first it seems  much easier to let chaos take hold, but I find 

more difficult on the back end. 

Way more difficult. 

My problem is that the shitty mundane routine of aspects of life gets  in the way of higher pursuits.  Even pulling back the shower curtain every morning goes through me like nails on a chalk board. Thank technology for dry erase boards. Kids don't know how good they have it today. 

So I let these things of life distract me weaken me into fear and then anger so that pride insidiously leaks out from my dark core and consumes me as a bottomless hole.  A dark deep black engulfed fathom  that festers to  a case of the fuck its, fuck you, fuck me mother fucking fuck. 

And that whole hole has to be fed 

Thats when I think I need some sparkles, I need bobbles, something shinny to brighten, to bring light to the black, to bring nourishment in the form of  self indulgence.
You know the adage ,

" Starve the body feed the hole feed the disease."

Only one thing to do, I must go see
doctor Distraction. He lives in
the bottom of a 

bottle. 

And as I stated,

It's Not How I Got Here It's  How I Get To There. 

Julie Falls

By Pretty Alice

Beautiful how water falls, but heart wrenching
when she falls
It is in my nature to be her net
torn, ripped by the velocity of her
inconsolable unavoidable inevitable plummet.

I envision that she could fall so deep that through the Earth she would rise  on the other side.  On top like a beatiful weed flower, strong, determined
that pushes up through the layers of rock, and dirt
encased in  black asphalt.

There is no tangible to why I am connected to a particular thing about her.

Maybe it is her relentless self torture, pain
that I want to heal.
Foolish me to love my mother I feel in her.
Vulnerable always pulls me in, then clinches me in my illusion
an inescapable vice.

If I have a problem
it is empathy
 as I look to her from where I am now and although I cannot live in her world
 it ensures
 I am not a fool
except for Julie
when she falls
because I fall too.

But I hold on from my own need,
a voice pursues in the back of my minds' eye
that every eventual encounter
will still be tarnished by the feelings of Julie
when she is falling.

A Moment Of Clarity

By Scary Halloween

I met a man on the streets of Chicago. 

This is what he said:

I never planned on being a drunkard.

It's not like when I was 5 and someone asked me what I want to be when I grow up that Ianswered "a drunkard".

I probably said nothing, shrugged in indifference and walked away. 

Even then I would not placate myself or waste my time to placate others. Sure now I know how to diffuse, distract and tell someone what they want to hear to get them off my back. I'm quite the diplomat. A skilled avoider. A magician of masquerade.

But truly a person knows them self, when they are in their element. When clarity engulfs them like a professional athlete surpassing the opponent , an accountant trimming the waste, a lawyer fighting a case or a actor perfecting a portrayal.

But we gravitate to our nature, what we were meant to be regardless of our potential for other endeavors. 

We find our way. I don't cry for Lindsey Lohan. She was side tracked. Still fighting her nature she should embrace the person that doesn't want to act but be the person that wants to live. 

I'm not making an excuse. Don't think I am giving up, I am choosing not to be anything of society but a man with his thoughts, beliefs and actions marinated in the numbing foggy veil of alcohol.

And with that to thine oneself be true I can rest gently nestled in acceptance without regret, remorse or self doubt of what could have been, what should have been but rather what is.  

International Day Of Peace 2012

By Scoundrel Ghost

I could use a  piece of some international today. 

Problem with peace, people just can't give it a chance at the same time. 

Now me, I don't have a problem hating. 

It has been said what one hates in others is a reflection of what one does not like about his or her self. Maybe that is true sometimes, 

but not all the time.

Sometimes people are assholes and it is good to hate them. 

Well for me it is. 

I like a good  heathy heaping attitude of a  resentful  loathing  of hatred.
 Please keep in mind I realize I am the perfect model of who to hate. 

I am an asshole! I spend my time complaining about what I  interpret

to be  the worst of all things on Earth , including myself .

I'm not one of those  who sees myself as better than everyone else.
As a matter of fact it is my indifference and disgust about my life
and all life that keeps me anchored, marred in objective
disappointment. 

It makes me happy
to be so unhappy.
 And in that I love life's irony.

It is like a wise person wrote,

To truly hate others
you must first learn to hate yourself.

PEACE OUT!