Coming Real Getting Low

By Cary Hall

I have made selfish choices in my life. At the time I did not know they were out of fear or anger. It was difficult to avoid the pain of saying "no" to what I immediately wanted. I can now but I can't scoop the ripples back of my actions. I can only imagine what it is  to have observed me to reflect on me as I was. I know what I have done, what I must live with, but never fully know what they must.

It is done. 

But we are not. Forever tidaled in my wake. 

Extrovert passive or aggressive? Introvert passive or aggressive?

By Cary Hall

Neither combination good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. 

It is what we do  with that, with ourselves that is. 

Me? I'm an aggressive introvert.  Knowing this, accepting this is key.

I think an aggressive extrovert or a passive introvert would have less dichotomy. More in sync. 

Less questioning.

But those have their challenges and pitfalls as well. 

Our life is a short long journey. Much easier when you know you know yourself,  your path and can be true to it. 

Go Take What I Make Mine

By Cary Hall

It is my self conscious, my deep rooted kindness, empathy and vigilant self awareness that  prevents. 

I deny my potentials playing the fence.  I don't want to be that person. 

My spirit locked in turmoil against my nature. 

I know it is the dichotomy of the universe. I applaud myself for my recognition and I hate myself for the life long struggle. 

Either way peace would come if one would win. 

The outcome is my soul. To toss away or preserve. 

Cherish or exploit.

This is solely about me of me for me. Not what others think, but what I can live with. 

To what end, to what means is a question that plagues me, it tasks me. 

A burden of choice, of organic wiring, of environment or of God that  I bare.

Just

me, myself, I

and

God. 

We Three Are Here

By Pretty Alice

It is about time. 

Such a sweet man. 

I love him. 

Scary wants to be him. 

Scoundrel is afraid of him.

He has always been here,

watching us live through him for him because of him. 

Why now? Who can know. 

Time

 heals all wounds as does severe desire and the grace of God. 

I guess if there is a lesson, never count yourself out, never give up and never not say never. 

Perspective.

By Cary Hall

Life. It is what is. I don't have many bad days where effort is required to get back on my spiritual path. Everyone is due a few now and again My experience has been that what it is now won't be later when it's now again. 

Just When I Thought I Was Done

By Cary Hall

I want to slow dance with you. Hold you close. 

Stare into your eyes, smile at your smile. 

Whisper in your ear.

 Smell your neck. 

Nibble on you as we dance together as one while the rest of the world disappears out of our view all the while melting together,  knowing what might come we will thrive together in respect in admiration. 

For the sake of sex there go I.

By Scary Halloween

Not true. Not for me. 

For love there go I. 

Sex without intimacy, without love is hollow. 

Anyone can fuck. But to find healthy enduring honest open hearted love takes effort. 

Self awareness and patience doesn't come easy like an animal does. 

Don't get me wrong, I like sex. Playful, torrid, passionate, kinky or slow sex with a lot of kissing and caressing. 

But to what end, to what means? 

That is the question of all actions in life. Only you have the right answer. 

Life is a series of choices of doing and having with results undetermined.

If we are not here for love then why are we here. To buy shit? To be gluttonous, pretentious, selfish power hungry asses? 

I guess the answer is your choice. I've made many choices. What I have learned, is that your truth is real. For me, love is truth. 

For love there go I.

Grave Mistakes We Follow To The End

By Pretty Alice

Flight or fight is residue of our lizard brain. It is physical preservation only. 

So many have died for causes that have gone unknown. Sacrifices that have fallen in the dust of time.  

Some of those were to survive, some to push humanity forward. 

People move through life with their heads down fumbling blindly  forward. 

The nature of a net.

 An illusion of freedom. In the end they wasted their time in future thinking, past recriminations.

In fear, 

missing the now, the greater good for themselves for others. 

It happens all the time all by choice.

Life can be fragile and futile.

I don't force my will against my fate. I know life for me will be what it will be. My relationship with God is all there is. 

And for that I am blessed, rich and forgiving. 

Am I an old soul or a repeat offender?

By Scary Halloween

I have died so many times yet here I am. 

Why? Why is that? When so many do all the time, yet I remain, physically unscathed. 

I linger in mental emotional  red rover. Maybe it is best to die. I can't say. It's not.  

I don't think I have a purpose that is clear or one that is main stream. If it was left to me, society would still be eating carrion in a cave. 

 I think it is just the way the universe works. No rhyme or reason. Just luck or not of the draw. 

I wouldn't think about so much if I could settle with who I am versus how I was raised. 

I have never had a singular obsession for things like sports, technology, fashion and all the other bullshit with what people waste their money and time. 

Okay. Not true. I am obsessed with truth, with knowing what is real what is indoctrination. 

Obsessed with being, not out of fear but out of self. 

It feels like a curse although I know it is a blessing, my gift. 

The pay is lousy and the friendships are few and far between. 

But when I review my grateful list, make my positive statements to god and the universe, I am happy. 

Are you?

The Devil In Disguise

By Scary Halloween

By choice I would be free. By innate organic wiring, I cannot. 

Obligated. My word is my word no matter the situation, the people, the consequence. 

I'm in. Pound or penny. 

That is just the way it is.  

My way, my family's way. 

Once again against the precipice. I'm sure I would not stand so close if I didn't love it so.

So I stand. 

The reality is a dream, the fantasy is just that. Between those two I am alive. 

The waiting, the not knowing is the best part. Outcome be what it might.

I look like a cop I think like a criminal. Fine line really. 

Somehow, I work my way in blind and reckless, against their better judgement.

That is what I like best. Being juxtaposed.  An enigma. 

It is the pleasure of the legacy of the curse.

Heal Thy Self

By Scoundrel Ghost

Hey addiction counselor, push away from the dinner table once and awhile if you are going to be guiding me down the path.

Where was your god when daddy's dirty deeds and all his horrific sticky explorations started you down the  holier than thou obsession for telling me about higher power?

Try a vegetable platter now and again.  

You too M.D. ! Don't tell me I need to quit smoking, drinking and eat healthier , looking at me with your bloodshot eyes, rounder than you are tall as you write my Xanax prescription with your nicotine stained hands. 

Maybe you should throw an IF in there for some credibility or theoretical discussion. 

I need a walk the walk not a do as I say not as I do pontificating philosophizing motherfucker telling me what to do. I need a practitioner of method before I listen before I consider acting you actors. 

"I know it's your job but that don't make it right."

John Cougar whatever Melloncamp Mother Fucker

Tired Story

By Scary Halloween

Goddamn fucking hole. Dark rat gnawing me from the inside. Let me go. 

Just let me need.  

I've filled you endless times but you want more. Every time, I slip into your greasy sickness. only to awake stuffed, miserable, you still hungering, lingering lying in wait for  more of my weakness. 

Calling at my pain, chewing at my emptiness, knowing the same old return and revisit will come. 

Our hate is one. I want to destroy it, destroy you but it is the meal that slides down your gullet. 

Shaking you shakes me, shaking you pleases. 

The debate always ends the same just one more time and we are done. But we are not. Never. 

You are my oldest friend born together. I met you in that dark fondling.  You crawled to me as I left my body in disbelief. My solace my pain you were there. 

Only the sleep of mud or water's  depth will free us of my pain and your hunger.

I Don't Need To Be

By Scary Halloween 

For Sharon, my friend.

I really don't mind leaving this world how I arrived. I don't need to leave my mark, my carbon foot print,a plaque, a street name, a statue, a monument,  a poem, a song, a piece of art, a declaration, a child , especially a law, a rule. I so don't need to exist so that I can lie on my death bed thinking of  what people thought of me or even what I think of me. It is an illusion, a vapor of minuscule time that disappears in the irrelevance of generations.  I respect those who do, but that is a choice. I will not judge their decision  even though they will mine.

It is not fatalistic or indifference, it is art of  choosing to live below expected potential and strive for your own , it is being in the flow of time, a letting go of the material world and expectations, a spiritual path of being one with the universe. 

Sounds like bullshit? Try it see how easy it is to ignore indoctrination of your parents, your school, books, media, your church, your government, corporations and the manufactured consent they instill. It is a mater of  thinking freely or following the golden brick road.  To be involved for involvement, to give just to give, to be just to be with a conscious to approach with kindness first and only or to follow the masses?

This might seem like self justification. It is. That is what is required to remind me of who I am, what I chose against the masses. That I followed my internal inclination of self against the external messages. Everyday I make a conscious choice to follow or rebel, but not from fear but of who I am. 

Necessity is the mother of all mothers. Where there is a will its in the way.

By Pretty Alice

 It's so sad, perverse how very few are willing to go. 

Only 1% will risk it. 

Sacrifice isolation of speculation and ridicule from mass indoctrination for the the free will of intellectual, spiritual choice. 

The rest run their mouths where they vaguely believe but then recoil when challenged back to their 401K.

I'd rather have perverse, anti-social conviction than none at all, or the convection of the net no matter what others might say about me out from their fear. 

Of course most people have no conviction, just operation, mindless motion. The illusion of freedom when they bury their heads, tilt forward and move in a straight line. 

An age old illusion of our bodies in the physical world. 

Maybe it is my fear that I lash out in my belief or at the reflection of my inner depths. Fight them within  fight them out in in the physical, the daily in and out of living. 

It's fear of losing all the bullshit of the monetary, the fear of physical harm or the fear of incarceration.  

I get it. 

Physical freedom vs emotional or mental freedom. 

The fear of existing without either one or the power of existing with one drives us. 

It is easy for me to say all this now. I did the same thing. Then,  I was blessed with my rebirth. I can see it now. But not like some do now. 

God bless the free thinker in his/her  cardboard box. 

The Lure The Precipice

By Scary Halloween 

 The only real diamonds exist in her eyes sitting on a smile he doesnt deserve. 

All he can think is, "why"?

He feels her inside, consumed when she pierces with her brilliant gaze, locked in her sight,  penetrating his great denial, he can't move, he can't express, he can't comprehend. 

he is so consumed and so guarded that he wants to run to his wheel.

If  he confessed her his vulnerability, she would own him.  

His words, seconds away from a lifetime.

He wants what he fears, to wear her around him, dissolve into her, engulfed comfortably, securely loved. 

The Flux Compacitor

By Scoundrel Ghost

Women have many fantasies. Prince Charming, Winning the Lottery and Fore Play. 

Men. Well I guess it is time travel. To go back when our bellies were flat and our hair was thick and women were tight. 

My best friend from high school sent me a picture of a glowing display on his satellite radio, it read a Motels song. Suddenly,  Last Summer,  1980, he texted, " I'd rather be listening to this on Nashville's now defunct premium rock station KDF blasting from my AM/FM radio in the dash of my truck. If had a Delorean i would spend just 3 days there".

Now his idea was simple and pure. Just to feel the his youth, smell his testosterone and drive his Ford Courier at the speed beyond its capacity just one more time, stiff armed with his buddies, weaving the back roads of his hometown.  

Now my brain can't hear a simple thought without my mind calculating the minute details of my perverse nature, arriving at intricate possibilities, outcomes and pitfalls. 

My first thought is that

I would  come back to 2013 with kids I didn't have before I went back. I've spent my life avoiding that possibility, outcome and perceived pitfall. I still don't go to the door when someone knocks. I sneak out the back and walk to one of my favorite hideouts, haunts. One can never know what comes of a one night stand. Or several. 

I go on to tell him " That's what happens when you fuck when screwing with the time space continuum."

 Additionally,

"And I'm not fucking anybody that is fat in present day. Cause I would keep thinking about and I would tell them how fat they are going to be. So fat in fact, I had to get a time machine to go back in time just to fuck you. "

I even suggested that Ecstasy would be good for the trip. 

Bewildered at my over the top, paranoid and delusional projections,

he asked if I was on drugs again. My only response to that was, 

"Well you take your trip I'll take mine. Cause girls didn't fuck that good,  we just thought did".

Obviously, I would not even bother to explain the benefits across the chasm of the two roads we diverged. 

His plan was so simple. 

Still in my mind ,I thought I was limiting myself to chicks I knew. Of course I fucked a lot of young women when I was in my 40's. Problem was they were stupid. I like clever conversation too. I want a young body that is slutty and intelligent. Such a dehumanizing pig. No telling what this hard working, intelligent father and husband was thinking. He made a simple comment that turned into a dark, pervented rant from a guy who could no longer go back or forward in life, but remain a rat running in the wheel of his mind. 

" That's not asking too much is it, a tight bodied. Intelligent slut is it?"

Silence from across the void, once again he knew and I knew  I had gone too far from a good man and friend that  I had pushed too far away a long time ago. 

I'm on a quote roll. Just going with it until its done.

By all they of is, we are too pretty, too lazy and too angry to think. 

The art of doing nothing is being without expectation. 

Never apologize for laughter, especially when it's not appropriate. 

Mother Mary  Christ fuckers!!!! 

My blog is a self designated full time job. The pay is lousy but I enjoy helping my fellow man and infinitesimally changing the world one word at a time. 

 I never said I was a peeping Tom but I'm willing. 

I want some lint on it. 

My thinker has lint all over it. 

They are needy when they have nothing  and leave you when you have nothing. 

 I am a loving sensitive, caring man and I have needs that  precede yours,   you hyper sensitive  narcotic  selfish  cunt.

An example of name calling would be Crazy Bitch. 

As in, 

"You must be one crazy bitch." However,  I would never say that. 

For every which where way you think, someone thinks you are wrong. 

 Might be a teacher, a preacher or a from around the back reacher. 

Then why solicit?oh wait. You just mean love. Love as in general. Lots of general love. My bad. I get those two things confused. Love and LOVE. 

For every which where way you think, someone thinks you are wrong.

Life is fickle in its way. One can never know when tragedy or reward will occur. It is a cyclical phenomenon. Life is just doing and having. Occasionally, one or myself will find a morsel of treasure, of salvation in another. An intimate, honest selfless connection beyond race, religion, gender, age, sexual preference and whatever typically divides a whole thing.

Is everyone in Indianapolis trying to be a race car driver or a jockey in Louisville? Because everyone in Nashville wants to be a star. 

I just play the lottery and keep my mouth shut.

One rarely hears "no" when asking, "Hey do you want to hear something funny?" But from now on,  I will until I know what kind of funny and how funny. Same thing with "crazy".

Approach with kindness and defend the meek whether they want it or not. 

Be honest as long as it is what I want to here. 

I feel like the bad wheel on a cart at krogers.

I'm strong enough to let you mistake my kindness for weakness. 

If you mistake my kindness as weakness it is ok. I'm strong enough for that. 

It's ok with me if you are mistaking my kindness as a weakness I'm strong enough to let you.  

Too late. I just fucked both of you in my mind

We like to think people care. Especially at times of pain. Friends is a relative term. Be your best friend. Be the bomb. 

We all have greatness,gifts that we were given at birth. We just have to find them. 

Whatever works will suffice. 

It's not easy working your way to the top or the bottom. 

She doesn't know who she is. You want her to know y'all. She can't. Not know that. You can't get what she can't give.  She doesn't know you if you don't let her. 

The art of doing nothing is being without expectation. 

Never apologize for laughter, especially when it's not appropriate. 

Mother Mary  Christ fuckers!!!! 

My blog is a self designated full time job. The pay is lousy but I enjoy helping my fellow man and infinitesimally changing the world.

 I never said I was a peeping Tom but I'm willing. 

I want some lint on it 

My thinker has lint all over it. 

They are needy when they have nothing  and leave you when you have nothing. 

 I am a loving sensitive, caring man and I have needs that  precede yours,   you hyper sensitive  narcotic  selfish  cunt.

An example of name calling would be Crazy Bitch. 

As in, 

"You must be one crazy bitch." However,  I would never say that.