My Trouble Through Summers

Hip pouches are not hip, but they are so practical. I live for the winter when the man's coat is his purse.

It's the same thing for me every year. It could be solved if I were metro sexual, Then I would carry a man "satchel".

But I'm not so I won't.

We can call it an accessories pack, a utility belt, we can color them, make them out of hemp, bedazzle them, tell people it was a gift from the President of the United States, but it is what it is. It's not right. It's unnatural. I leave the pouch to the marsupials and of course Batman. 

So in the hot months of summer, my pockets are stuffed like a child from a 50's television show. Yo yo, string, jacks, a rock, a frog and some sandwich pieces.

It's such a shame to not just wear the damn thing. Let's face it, I'm a terrible dresser. What would it matter? How could a fanny pack, hip pouch do any more harm to my "look"? I have no fashion sense at all. Well  except for the terrible self conscientiousness I would feel wearing a fanny pack like some practical tourist from some practical town somewhere in some  practical pocket of the world.

I'm just not that practical. Maybe it is true. People really do suffer for fashion.

And for you, the brave ones, the practical ones, I admire your self actualization. Seriously, I want to be you. But, I can't. I just can't. I've tried. Once I got as far as my front door. But that's it. 

Well, truth be told. I carry a diabetic kit that is canvas. No belt attached. I refer to it as my "external pocket".

And push come to shove I tell people  I'm diabetic. Sometimes I volunteer it announcing it as I point to the bag. 

I wouldn't have to go through this if I had a girlfriend, wife or metro sexual friend, I could dump my stuff in their "satchel" purse slash overnight bag suitcase thing.

Talk about too much luggage to be hanging out with another human being just for the compartment convenience of their accessory just for my stuff. That's excess baggage.

Still, between my phone, phone paraphernalia  and E-cig and E-Cig paraphernalia, I need a fanny, hip wherever I wear it pouch.

What can say, I got stuff

In the end it comes down to choice as does everything. Are you in or are you out? I prefer to wait and let the wheel of fate decide. If I've learned anything, it is that history repeats itself.

If I live long enough , maybe, just maybe the hip pouch

will be hip again, if it ever was.

Nope. It won't happen. 

I am a very positive person who believes hope springs eternal, but I can't even fool myself on this one.

A Citizen Of The World

History repeats itself.
And that's all history teaches us

 i'm hung over at work and and if my memory is correct,  I'm going to throw up on people, again.

As a species we really could benefit from maximizing the repeating of positive endeavors and
reducing our repetitive blunders.

I know, as a an individual I'm  really not pulling my weight.  It's not like I don't make improvements, I just lack consistency.

I guess that's the thing. As a group we are out of sync. We are not all pulling at the same time in the same direction.

Maybe that's the balance of life. I can't imagine what the world would be like if we all at the same time were not trying.

Maybe if Earth had some basic rules to follow and enforce.

Wait. We already have that. But we don't do it consistently. Hmm?

It's good to know I'm not alone.

Love Has It's Evil Tendencies

I don't have the ability to bypass my
immediate desires for my
future.
Will I ever learn?
Never.
I don't want too.
I'd rather keep throwing myself
with all my heart.

Bullseye

I have always aimed low and walked away quickly unfulfilled.

Now I've decided  rather to stay out here orbiting along the perimeter of her life
than go back to a 1000 safe predictable outcomes.

The universe is chaos, and it is precision; which neither I control.
Now I choose the unpredictable and leave it to the quantum mechanics.

I'll  make my aim true, set a trajectory

regardless of what I ask myself.

"In that swirling cosmos nestled in the encompassing beauty of her cranial orb, is there a random synaptic firing of the idea that our two celestial bodies will meet in the same space at the same time within our eternity?"


Meanwhile,
I will fill my days
with purpose, food, water, clothing, shelter and the affection of friends and family.

Thriving with the basics to happy living.

Sometimes the truth sounds like a lie

Inversely a lie sounds like the truth.

It's difficult in a world of messages, sugar coated hidden agendas, fear focus factoids crafted to drive you running with your wallet out to buy buy so long and bye!

Every so often you will have a moment where you realize your life is perfect as is with nothing required but choice. In that moment of clarity you are filled with the idea that your life is always awesome even if you don't see it all the time. And that the worst day on Earth is better than to not have been part of this knowing.

Most days are spent moment to moment determining your level of happiness, sounding your now off the wall of your past and future. Analyzing the balance between what is true of your life and what is false. We escape through our days by judging, rating our degree of happiness. But that is judged from the misconceptions of  indoctrinations.

Constantly sifting out the thoughts to a clear focus of happiness.


Best to turn off the noise, listen to the message inside you. It is there, hidden in the clutter of media, religion, school, government, parents and all else of opinions and agendas.

Coming Real Getting Low

By Cary Hall

I have made selfish choices in my life. At the time I did not know they were out of fear or anger. It was difficult to avoid the pain of saying "no" to what I immediately wanted. I can now but I can't scoop the ripples back of my actions. I can only imagine what it is  to have observed me to reflect on me as I was. I know what I have done, what I must live with, but never fully know what they must.

It is done. 

But we are not. Forever tidaled in my wake. 

Extrovert passive or aggressive? Introvert passive or aggressive?

By Cary Hall

Neither combination good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. 

It is what we do  with that, with ourselves that is. 

Me? I'm an aggressive introvert.  Knowing this, accepting this is key.

I think an aggressive extrovert or a passive introvert would have less dichotomy. More in sync. 

Less questioning.

But those have their challenges and pitfalls as well. 

Our life is a short long journey. Much easier when you know you know yourself,  your path and can be true to it. 

Go Take What I Make Mine

By Cary Hall

It is my self conscious, my deep rooted kindness, empathy and vigilant self awareness that  prevents. 

I deny my potentials playing the fence.  I don't want to be that person. 

My spirit locked in turmoil against my nature. 

I know it is the dichotomy of the universe. I applaud myself for my recognition and I hate myself for the life long struggle. 

Either way peace would come if one would win. 

The outcome is my soul. To toss away or preserve. 

Cherish or exploit.

This is solely about me of me for me. Not what others think, but what I can live with. 

To what end, to what means is a question that plagues me, it tasks me. 

A burden of choice, of organic wiring, of environment or of God that  I bare.

Just

me, myself, I

and

God. 

We Three Are Here

By Pretty Alice

It is about time. 

Such a sweet man. 

I love him. 

Scary wants to be him. 

Scoundrel is afraid of him.

He has always been here,

watching us live through him for him because of him. 

Why now? Who can know. 

Time

 heals all wounds as does severe desire and the grace of God. 

I guess if there is a lesson, never count yourself out, never give up and never not say never. 

Perspective.

By Cary Hall

Life. It is what is. I don't have many bad days where effort is required to get back on my spiritual path. Everyone is due a few now and again My experience has been that what it is now won't be later when it's now again. 

Just When I Thought I Was Done

By Cary Hall

I want to slow dance with you. Hold you close. 

Stare into your eyes, smile at your smile. 

Whisper in your ear.

 Smell your neck. 

Nibble on you as we dance together as one while the rest of the world disappears out of our view all the while melting together,  knowing what might come we will thrive together in respect in admiration. 

For the sake of sex there go I.

By Scary Halloween

Not true. Not for me. 

For love there go I. 

Sex without intimacy, without love is hollow. 

Anyone can fuck. But to find healthy enduring honest open hearted love takes effort. 

Self awareness and patience doesn't come easy like an animal does. 

Don't get me wrong, I like sex. Playful, torrid, passionate, kinky or slow sex with a lot of kissing and caressing. 

But to what end, to what means? 

That is the question of all actions in life. Only you have the right answer. 

Life is a series of choices of doing and having with results undetermined.

If we are not here for love then why are we here. To buy shit? To be gluttonous, pretentious, selfish power hungry asses? 

I guess the answer is your choice. I've made many choices. What I have learned, is that your truth is real. For me, love is truth. 

For love there go I.

Grave Mistakes We Follow To The End

By Pretty Alice

Flight or fight is residue of our lizard brain. It is physical preservation only. 

So many have died for causes that have gone unknown. Sacrifices that have fallen in the dust of time.  

Some of those were to survive, some to push humanity forward. 

People move through life with their heads down fumbling blindly  forward. 

The nature of a net.

 An illusion of freedom. In the end they wasted their time in future thinking, past recriminations.

In fear, 

missing the now, the greater good for themselves for others. 

It happens all the time all by choice.

Life can be fragile and futile.

I don't force my will against my fate. I know life for me will be what it will be. My relationship with God is all there is. 

And for that I am blessed, rich and forgiving. 

Am I an old soul or a repeat offender?

By Scary Halloween

I have died so many times yet here I am. 

Why? Why is that? When so many do all the time, yet I remain, physically unscathed. 

I linger in mental emotional  red rover. Maybe it is best to die. I can't say. It's not.  

I don't think I have a purpose that is clear or one that is main stream. If it was left to me, society would still be eating carrion in a cave. 

 I think it is just the way the universe works. No rhyme or reason. Just luck or not of the draw. 

I wouldn't think about so much if I could settle with who I am versus how I was raised. 

I have never had a singular obsession for things like sports, technology, fashion and all the other bullshit with what people waste their money and time. 

Okay. Not true. I am obsessed with truth, with knowing what is real what is indoctrination. 

Obsessed with being, not out of fear but out of self. 

It feels like a curse although I know it is a blessing, my gift. 

The pay is lousy and the friendships are few and far between. 

But when I review my grateful list, make my positive statements to god and the universe, I am happy. 

Are you?

The Devil In Disguise

By Scary Halloween

By choice I would be free. By innate organic wiring, I cannot. 

Obligated. My word is my word no matter the situation, the people, the consequence. 

I'm in. Pound or penny. 

That is just the way it is.  

My way, my family's way. 

Once again against the precipice. I'm sure I would not stand so close if I didn't love it so.

So I stand. 

The reality is a dream, the fantasy is just that. Between those two I am alive. 

The waiting, the not knowing is the best part. Outcome be what it might.

I look like a cop I think like a criminal. Fine line really. 

Somehow, I work my way in blind and reckless, against their better judgement.

That is what I like best. Being juxtaposed.  An enigma. 

It is the pleasure of the legacy of the curse.

Heal Thy Self

By Scoundrel Ghost

Hey addiction counselor, push away from the dinner table once and awhile if you are going to be guiding me down the path.

Where was your god when daddy's dirty deeds and all his horrific sticky explorations started you down the  holier than thou obsession for telling me about higher power?

Try a vegetable platter now and again.  

You too M.D. ! Don't tell me I need to quit smoking, drinking and eat healthier , looking at me with your bloodshot eyes, rounder than you are tall as you write my Xanax prescription with your nicotine stained hands. 

Maybe you should throw an IF in there for some credibility or theoretical discussion. 

I need a walk the walk not a do as I say not as I do pontificating philosophizing motherfucker telling me what to do. I need a practitioner of method before I listen before I consider acting you actors. 

"I know it's your job but that don't make it right."

John Cougar whatever Melloncamp Mother Fucker

Tired Story

By Scary Halloween

Goddamn fucking hole. Dark rat gnawing me from the inside. Let me go. 

Just let me need.  

I've filled you endless times but you want more. Every time, I slip into your greasy sickness. only to awake stuffed, miserable, you still hungering, lingering lying in wait for  more of my weakness. 

Calling at my pain, chewing at my emptiness, knowing the same old return and revisit will come. 

Our hate is one. I want to destroy it, destroy you but it is the meal that slides down your gullet. 

Shaking you shakes me, shaking you pleases. 

The debate always ends the same just one more time and we are done. But we are not. Never. 

You are my oldest friend born together. I met you in that dark fondling.  You crawled to me as I left my body in disbelief. My solace my pain you were there. 

Only the sleep of mud or water's  depth will free us of my pain and your hunger.

I Don't Need To Be

By Scary Halloween 

For Sharon, my friend.

I really don't mind leaving this world how I arrived. I don't need to leave my mark, my carbon foot print,a plaque, a street name, a statue, a monument,  a poem, a song, a piece of art, a declaration, a child , especially a law, a rule. I so don't need to exist so that I can lie on my death bed thinking of  what people thought of me or even what I think of me. It is an illusion, a vapor of minuscule time that disappears in the irrelevance of generations.  I respect those who do, but that is a choice. I will not judge their decision  even though they will mine.

It is not fatalistic or indifference, it is art of  choosing to live below expected potential and strive for your own , it is being in the flow of time, a letting go of the material world and expectations, a spiritual path of being one with the universe. 

Sounds like bullshit? Try it see how easy it is to ignore indoctrination of your parents, your school, books, media, your church, your government, corporations and the manufactured consent they instill. It is a mater of  thinking freely or following the golden brick road.  To be involved for involvement, to give just to give, to be just to be with a conscious to approach with kindness first and only or to follow the masses?

This might seem like self justification. It is. That is what is required to remind me of who I am, what I chose against the masses. That I followed my internal inclination of self against the external messages. Everyday I make a conscious choice to follow or rebel, but not from fear but of who I am. 

Necessity is the mother of all mothers. Where there is a will its in the way.

By Pretty Alice

 It's so sad, perverse how very few are willing to go. 

Only 1% will risk it. 

Sacrifice isolation of speculation and ridicule from mass indoctrination for the the free will of intellectual, spiritual choice. 

The rest run their mouths where they vaguely believe but then recoil when challenged back to their 401K.

I'd rather have perverse, anti-social conviction than none at all, or the convection of the net no matter what others might say about me out from their fear. 

Of course most people have no conviction, just operation, mindless motion. The illusion of freedom when they bury their heads, tilt forward and move in a straight line. 

An age old illusion of our bodies in the physical world. 

Maybe it is my fear that I lash out in my belief or at the reflection of my inner depths. Fight them within  fight them out in in the physical, the daily in and out of living. 

It's fear of losing all the bullshit of the monetary, the fear of physical harm or the fear of incarceration.  

I get it. 

Physical freedom vs emotional or mental freedom. 

The fear of existing without either one or the power of existing with one drives us. 

It is easy for me to say all this now. I did the same thing. Then,  I was blessed with my rebirth. I can see it now. But not like some do now. 

God bless the free thinker in his/her  cardboard box. 

The Lure The Precipice

By Scary Halloween 

 The only real diamonds exist in her eyes sitting on a smile he doesnt deserve. 

All he can think is, "why"?

He feels her inside, consumed when she pierces with her brilliant gaze, locked in her sight,  penetrating his great denial, he can't move, he can't express, he can't comprehend. 

he is so consumed and so guarded that he wants to run to his wheel.

If  he confessed her his vulnerability, she would own him.  

His words, seconds away from a lifetime.

He wants what he fears, to wear her around him, dissolve into her, engulfed comfortably, securely loved.